Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
only if we run a train.
done.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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