Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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