Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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