I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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