She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
