I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
