Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
