that's an acceptable place to lick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
