Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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