Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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