i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
