the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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