There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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