I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
