Can i not drive my cunt home
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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