He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
