I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
