she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
