I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
