no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So vagazzling was a success
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
