Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
