Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
