You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
