My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
