john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize