see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
