she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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