Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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