I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
