Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
