Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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