oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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