The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
