Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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