I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
