I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
