i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
whose parrot is this?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need water and some morals
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
