It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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