Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hippo gnu deer
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
