So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
there is glitter all over my balls
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