So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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