Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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