First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
