He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
