Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
