I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
