I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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