glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
