are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
