I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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