She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
