oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
