shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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