I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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