It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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