ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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