Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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