It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
