Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
should my penis look like a turkey
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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