It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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