im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Who died my cat blue again?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
