A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I would ride that face into the sunset
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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