I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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