I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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