turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
