FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
