apparently the secret to your success is patron
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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