I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just want to make out with him forever
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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