R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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