dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
